


Tomorrow, he will be dead

by MissPatate



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Emotional Manipulation, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mental Instability, Mind Manipulation, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPatate/pseuds/MissPatate
Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan were sent by the Council to resolve a conflict. Unfortunately, everything dos not go as planned and Obi-Wan loses his memory. Will Padawan Kenobi be able to defeat the demons that inhabit his mind? How far will he sink when Darkness takes advantages of the situation to devour him?
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn & Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. Awaking

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Demain, il sera mort](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25286200) by [MissPatate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPatate/pseuds/MissPatate). 



> Hello everybody! :D  
> So this is my first fanfiction in english (a translation of one of my French stories).  
> English isn't my native language, so do not hesitate to point out my mistakes, or to tell me if it is sh*tty!  
> I will update as soon as possible!

"Obi-Wan! Hurry up! We're going to take off soon, if this cannon is not disabled, we won’t be able to leave this planet!" exclaimed Qui-Gon in his deep voice. The man stood a few meters from the shuttle which was to take the survivors out of the area and hastened his padawan through his comlink.

Suddenly, droids appeared from nowhere, blasters in hands. These pirates were certainly not lacking in resources and peaceful negotiations had been impossible to achieve. Even the presence of the Jedi had not deterred them from acting belligerently. By an unfortunate blow of fate, the master and the apprentice had been transformed, with the help of the local authorities, into a rescue commando.

Master Jinn pulled out his lightsaber, activating the green bright blade that sparkled as it sent blaster shots back to their senders, in bright flashes, almost indistinct as the movements were fast and precise. One after the other, the droids fell into battle, kneeling in front of the skillful and graceful ballet of the Jedi Knight. The refugees were starting to panic, and Qui-Gon was not sure he could keep indefinitely the situation under control. The pirates had almost no more droids, but were indeed present, and armed. An offensive of the so-called bandits would be much more difficult to contain than that of these old machines, repaired and programmed for the sole purpose of fighting. They had to take off quickly.

"I'm coming, Master!" the voice of his padawan arised from the communicator. Obi-Wan had just broken the circuits of the anti-aircraft turret, which once belonged to the government army, but now was appropriated by the pirates, more by a lucky stroke of luck than thanks to their abilities. There were several leaders in the ranks, and each wanted to take the ultimate place of the general leader of the troops. Internal disputes would ultimately cause their loss, as soon as the Republic came to arrest them. Their only strength lay in their number: hundreds. 

However, fortunately, within a few hours, upon the arrival of the commando sent by the Republic to put an end to this conflict - which had already lasted too long-, their domination there would only be a -bad- memory. In the meantime, it was necessary to save those who could still be saved. With such a tool in the hands of the brigands, it was certain that the rescue shuttles could not have escaped, and the refugees would have runned to certain death. Exploding in mid-flight was not a favorable option, that's why he was there, furtively, sabotaging the equipment while his master organized the departure of the planet.

But as the Padawan was leaving, a troop of filthy droids landed. It was accompanied by several men - who had nothing to envy their metallic companions when it came to dirt. The young man had no choice but to take out his weapon, ready to fight, taking a defensive stance. He immersed himself into the Force, calling for its help, when an intense roaring was suddenly heard. Obi-Wan turned his head, seeing the cannon ignite.

"Oh oh." said a puzzled droid, as everyone understood what was going to happen. The Jedi apprentice jumped, using the Force to quickly distance himself from the deteriorated weapon, but was cut short in his tracks. A huge crash was heard. The young man became deaf, tinnitus filled his ears, while everything around him was only smoke, ash and heat. He coughed, looking for landmarks, crawling on all fours, trying a new jump outside the area, on neighboring ravines. Yet, at this precise moment, another explosion propelled him ten meters away. The whole ground quickly covered with thick black smoke. Everything was but flames and desolation. He opened his eyes, feeling his bruised body land violently against the rocks. A final clear and special thought for his master and the refugees crossed his mind before his vision blurred. Unconsciousness claimed him…

  
  


Qui-Gon was almost in the shuttle, waiting for a sign from his padawan to take off. The cannon had just been deactivated, the young man would no doubt arise from one moment to the next. What the hell was holding him back? 

"Obi-Wan! Where are you ?" he asked, shouting in the comlink, which he had just taken from his belt.

  
  


Suddenly, he stopped: an explosion resounded, a deflagration which froze the blood of all the current protagonists. The cannon had exploded. Thick dark smoke was now litting the sky: no one could have survived this, maybe not even a Jedi. Eyes wide, Qui-Gon felt the pain of his apprentice, as well as his anguish. He was about to throw himself towards the place, but suddenly, like a tapered point piercing his heart, the Force had rumbled, before falling silent. No more anxiety, no more pain, nothing. Nothingness. Abyssal silence.

  
  


"No! No ... Obi-Wan ..." he breathed, his eyes suddenly becoming empty. His padawan could not have died. It must mean something else. He would have felt it, if it was death, wouldn't he? He would have known it, consciously. But, then how can he explain the sudden silence in their link, the lack of it, as if it was so brutally ripped apart?

Even injured, even unconscious, he should be still able to feel the beautiful light that was his padawan in the Force. So why did this idea arise in him? How could he still believe that his apprentice was still alive?

He suddenly had a huge dark thought, a thought that almost prevented him from breathing, for a few moments.  _ Oh my precious Obi-Wan _ . He thought. _ I am sorry. I am so sorry. _

He must have been in denial because he had failed. Failed as a master. He had made the wrong decisions, he had not been attentive enough to the Force and it had cost the young man’s life... When Obi-Wan had volunteered for the task, he should have refused. He should have let him manage the refugees and go to deactivate the cannon himself ... He had felt a tug at that moment, but had finally not listened to his instinct. The young man’s smaller size had played in his favor, because he could more easily slip into the narrow trenches and out of sight and Qui-Gon had listened to him. He should have known.

  
  


A local guard put a hand on the Jedi Master’s shoulder. "We have no time, sir, troops arrive on the other side. We will never hold out until the arrival of reinforcements. We must go!"

The guard was right, Qui-Gon should not stay in shock, he had to act, he had to finish what he had started: save these families. Mission first. Later would come the time of mourning. He ordered takeoff. This order, paradoxically, was also for Obi-Wan, so that his death was not in vain. However, internally, Qui-Gon promised himself that he would come back, as soon as the pirates were apprehended. He would come back, see with his own eyes, that there was no hope.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS**

  
  


"Wow ... Look ... Do you think he's alive?" Asked little Handy to his twin sister. The two children were just over ten years old and had fled parental supervision. Curiosity took precedence over fear, experienced for weeks, during the occupation of the region by pirates. In addition, they could probably find some scrap metal to sell it at the village bazaar. This would make them useful and their parents would be less angry at their disobedience.

The pirates had been arrested or had left the planet: the news had spread quickly throughout the region the day before, hardly the forces of the Republic were gone. And the two little ones had not hesitated to take the speeder from the farm and to cover the five kilometers separating them from the area to get to the outskirts of the former brigands' camp. An absolutely irresponsible idea, but which was not surprising for the two intrepid and untenable beings, according to the words of their own mother. The day before, when they had seen smoke rising in the sky, they had been impatient to go see what had happened and what was recoverable. A sort of childish honor to prove that nothing could scare them.

Nya raised an eyebrow: "Is he a pirate?" she asked in her sweet childish voice.

Handy kicked the body of a young man, lying on the ground, eyes closed. He wore a brown cape, partially torn off and burnt, beige clothes completely filthy and had a funny hairstyle. The child could not detect many of his features as his face was muddy and covered with ashes. He looked lifeless, but above all surprisingly serene.

"I don't know!" Handy replied.

The child jumped when he heard a groan and saw two light blue orbs suddenly light up in the middle of the mud.

"Sir! Are you a pirate?" asked the little girl, holding a large stick in her hands, as a makeshift weapon, ready to defend herself if needed.

The stranger tried to straighten up, but failed. "I ... I do not know." he whispered. A misty veil covered his eyes, and he found it hard to keep his cool. "I ... I do not think so ..." he added.

"What's your name?" asked the little girl, approaching while lowering her stick.

"I ..." The young man looked around, then massaged his forehead, spreading unconsciously more mud on his face. "I do not know..."

"Well, we can't say that you know much." Handy breathed, frowning. "Where do you come from?"

The stranger tried to get up, but staggered, then lost consciousness again, barely a few seconds after getting back on his legs. It looked like a calf that had just been born and was trying to put itself valiantly on its feet before giving up.

"We should take him home. Go get Dad, I’ll keep an eye on him." said Nya, sitting down on a rock near the wounded man.

"No, daddy is going to kill us for taking the speeder alone!" grumbled his brother and scowled.

"Look at him, we can't leave him, he doesn't even know his name ..." whispered the blonde, tilting her head to the side. "Maybe his mom is looking for him!"

Handy sighed heavily, mumbling something inaudible. His sister always had the last word. He got back on the speeder, leaving the blonde on the ground. "If you find good scrap metal, we share, huh!" he exclaimed before starting the device.

The little girl took a cloth from her pocket and began to gently clean the sleeping man’s muddy face. He didn't look mean ... It would be surprising if he were a pirate …

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS**

Qui-Gon had been waiting impatiently for this moment. How ironic for him, who had rightly taught patience and resilience to his padawan. Finally, he stood there, at the site of the explosion, just hours after the pirates left. Some had fled, but the majority, especially the leaders, had been arrested. Unfortunately, there were many victims on both sides.

The ground was strewn with carcasses of droids, dislocated rocks, but also charred bodies ... He observed the surroundings, trying to feel something, trying to find Obi-Wan in the Force, but nothing helped, the only answer that he obtained was a chilling silence.

As he turned his head, a bright flash caught his attention. Intrigued, he approached. There, in the mud, lay a handle. There was no doubt: it was his padawan’s lightsaber. Qui-Gon watched it for long seconds in silence. He took the object... It was broken, requiring repairs to work again.  _ Under the circumstances, however, this would probably not be necessary. _ Qui-Gon thinked silently. This was by no means evidence of the young man's death... Obi-Wan may have lost his saber in combat. He had already lost it before.

However, that hope was quickly dashed: further down lay pieces of burnt and torn brown fabric. Those of a Jedi's robe. Pirates did not wear this kind of clothing.

And how even Qui-Gon was looking for every possibility, it was impossible for his apprentice to be alive. No more presence in the Force, but also, if we wanted to be less spiritual and more Cartesian: no message. If Obi-Wan had escaped, he would have already contacted him.

A few meters away, lay several bodies, devoured by the flames, completely unrecognizable. He sensed a wave of nausea when he thought that one of these burned corpses could be all that was left of his padawan - and that he would never be able to be sure.

The Jedi Master fell to his knees, still holding the defective weapon in his hands, clutching it against his chest. He sighed heavily. Before Obi-Wan, he had promised to never take on an apprentice ... Now he would no longer fail to follow this inner rule. He had failed, again.

A few moments later, he contacted the Council, by holocommunication, while he was on his way to Coruscant, aboard a small Republic’s vessel. He spoke of the final details of the mission, which, even if the planet had been freed from the hostility of its unexpected and belligerent hosts, bore the bitter taste of failure.

"Your confusion, we felt. The lack of your padawan in the Force, we noticed." whispered Yoda at the news.

Qui-Gon, put his hand on his belt, brushing the young man's broken lightsaber with his fingertips.

"A good knight, Obi-Wan would have been. Well trained, you had him. A great future, for him, I had foreseen. Your fault, it is not." Yoda continued, his ears drooping under the weight of the terrible news.

"I did not make the right decisions, Master." replied simply his interlocutor, feverish about this broken link. Somehow, he still had the feeling that his apprentice was going to come back, anytime soon, and that he could scold him in a funny way for losing his weapon.

"Bruise yourself, you must not. Nothing, you could have done. Now, with the Force, he is one."

When the little green master had finished the call, Qui-Gon sighed heavily, closing his eyes.

"There is no death, there is only the Force ..." he whispered. He would never have a padawan again. He had always felt that Obi-Wan would be the last. Now, he was sure. "See you soon, my young apprentice." he said before reaching his cabin.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS**

  
  


The young man slowly opened his eyes, looking around. He didn't know where he was, or what he was doing there. His gaze fell on a degraded stone wall, before which sat a reclaimed wood table. He did not detail the objects that stood on this surface, - in any case, there was almost nothing - and straightened up gently.

"Mom! He's awake!" exclaimed a familiar voice. Then, he heard small quick steps, which came closer and closer.

"Hello!" shouted Nya. "You're okay?" she asked simply.

"I believe so, yes ..." said the young man, running a hand through his copper-tinged hair, before displaying a smile to the little girl.

"Nya! Don't torment him like that ... Welcome, young man." said a woman in her thirties, with black hair and milky skin. She watched the boy, smiling. He looked like he was barely out of adolescence: nineteen at most. No doubt his mother must have missed him. Hard to believe he could be a pirate, he had such sweet eyes ...

"You were badly injured. The doctor was scared. He was also very surprised by your quick recovery." she commented before nodding with satisfaction, as if to congratulate herself for her impromptu guest’s newly recovered health.

"My name is Ehlena Bilaor. My children, Nya and Handy found you in the forbidden zone ..." she declared, glancing with a disapproving look at her daughter, who lowered her head. "Where did you come from? You ... were one of these brigands?"

The pirates once pillaged the village. Fortunately, they had left the residents alive. No doubt, this was no clemence, but in the idea of harvesting the fruit of their hard work several times a year. You might as well create a “regular tax” rather than feasting only once after having ransacked everything.

His interlocutor did not answer. She smiled. "Don’t be afraid, we won’t do nothing to you. Life is hard for everyone here. You are so young ... My neighbor's son was about your age when he joined them, dreaming for a better and easy life." she explained in a reassuring tone to encourage him to confide. 'He's dead,' she thought, without voicing it.

The man simply nodded. "To tell you the truth, I do not remember anything. I have a few flashes ... An ... An explosion, but ... I do not know any more. However, I do not think that I am a thief." he said simply, placing a hand under his chin, lost in thought. No matter how focused he was, nothing came to mind. Everything was empty.

"It's a funny accent that you’ve there ... You’re not from here, it seems. What’s your name?" asked the mother, noticing the young man's Coruscanti accent, without however being able to locate it. She had never set foot outside the planet, and was not very alert regarding the outside world, and what could happen further in the galaxy.

He concentrated for a few moments. He felt like his name was on the tip of his tongue, but after long seconds of silence, nothing came. "I have no idea." And it was terrifying, this feeling of knowing nothing, of being left alone with a stranger in the mirror.

Nya approached and settled on the bed beside him, cheerfully, like a small pet who came to beg for his meal. "Then we have to find you a name ..." She frowned for long seconds, until her face showed some sign of an ‘exceptional’ idea. "You’ve a face to call yourself Ben. Then it will be Ben ... Or Benny. Benny is a cute name, isn’t it?" she said, hopping slightly.

"Come on, Nya! He isn’t a pet for you to give him a name!" retorted his mother.

Benny just smiled. "No ... I like it ..." he breathed, before his eyes showed a glimmer of sadness. It was a very rapid glow, barely perceptible, before his face appeared impassive, almost neutral.

The little girl sharply grabbed his braid. "You really have a funny hairstyle..." she said, laughing. "Usually it's the girls who wear braids." she then added simply.

He grabbed the long strand of braided hair and observed it in silence. He suddenly had the feeling that it was important ... that it represented something, that it was hardly an aesthetic choice, but indeed a symbol. He simply remained silent for a few seconds, fiddling with it, as if this contact could miraculously revive memories.

"Can I use your bathroom?" he asked softly.

Ehlena nodded. "Sure. I'll give you some clean clothes ..." she whispered then. During the medical treatments, they had changed Benny’s ragged and burnished fabrics for some comfortable clothes, but it was not good clothing to go out, at most pajamas. He smiled in thanks, getting up slowly. He felt pretty good, physically.

He walked slowly towards the indicated room, after Ms. Bilaor handed him said clean apparel. He smiled at her again, sincerely, before rushing into the bathroom. It was very modest. There was a basin, and what appeared to be a reserve of water, filled manually ... He bit his lip. He did not want to use what they had probably taken a hard time to fill. Finding a towel, he decided to wash quickly, with the smallest amount of water necessary, before changing. He went to the mirror, which sat enthroned on the stony wall, carelessly leaning to one side.

So he looked like that, that bland image of a stranger. But, who was this man? This face ... This ridiculous haircut. He thought he recognized himself, but before him appeared a complete stranger. He sighed heavily, and stood still watching his reflection for long minutes. Where did he come from? Who was he? Who could it be other than a thief, as everyone seemed to think? In his mind came flashes: an explosion, droids, ... pirates? He nodded. Maybe he had done terrible things? Was he really one of them, as Ehlena suggested? But in this case, wouldn't this memory loss be a chance to redeem himself, to start from scratch? Should he really seek to recover his past, if it could prove sordid? If someone was missing him…. That someone would find him, right?

He finally came out of the bathroom, joining the family’s mother in the living room. "Excuse me ... I am giving you grief, but ... Would you have access to the Holonet?" he asked shyly. These poor people had already done a lot for him, but he could never find out anything without them. He could never find out the truth about himself without a little help.

She nodded negatively. "Not here, but in the village, there’s a shop for passing travelers, who make a stopover in the city. There, you can get the news and something to communicate with the outside world." she said simply. "It’s better to wait for my husband. When he comes back from the fields, he can take you there with the landspeeder." she then added, showing a smile.

Benny replied with a similar smile in return. "Maybe… can I help with something?" he dared to ask gently.

His interlocutor pretended to think. "You could go help Nya with the Tee-muss, in the stable." she finally said. "She should clean the boxes, but also the animals." she informed him, still with that solar smile that made her so radiant.

"So I will do it!" he exclaimed cheerfully. This family had looked after him, taken care of him, welcomed him with such kindness ... He had better be useful! Especially since he couldn't see himself sitting quietly waiting for time to pass and Ehlena's husband to come back, like a profiteer.

"When you leave, you go straight ahead, then at the post of the eight lanterns, you turn right. Nya will explain how to do it."

He nodded, taking note of the information before setting out. The house looked isolated from any other dwelling, surrounded by forests and streams. The ambient temperature was satisfactory and Benny had no trouble finding the stable. The girl was there, as planned.

"Oh, you're walking!" she cried, welcoming him, a shovel in her hand. She was full of soil and leaves, her blond hair looking almost brown under the grime.

"I came to help you clean up." he said simply in response.

"Oh it's so wizard!" replied the blonde with all her usual cheerfulness. "It's always me who has to do this, nobody ever comes to fight with dirt ..." she explained then. She pointed to a sort of rake, positioned against a low wall. "Take this, I'll show you." she then added.

As the young man grabbed the tool, he felt something pull his braid. A voracious Tee-muss had decreed that his hair would be his meal! He moved quickly away, as the creature approached to sniff it again, preventing him from taking hold of the rake.

"Hey! It is uncivilized!" he exclaimed, stepping back.

The little girl just laughed. "It looks like it likes you!" she commented.

The work was supposed to be faster in pairs, but the chatter and the laughter occupied half the afternoon, before finally, the clean animals were fed and installed comfortably in their equally shiny stables. Nya was a real pipelette, and Benny was always quick to listen and comment, even if he was not talkative.

The Sun had started to disappear, and a small wind came to cool them.

"Dad!" exclaimed the little girl, rushing straight towards a man, in his thirties, with light hair, brown eyes and imposing stature. Benny looked like a child beside this considerable stature. He tilted his head to greet him.

"Ah here is our sleeping little one!" exclaimed the man boldly, in a deep, almost hoarse voice. "I am Janier, Ehlena's husband." He glanced at the stables. "Well, you did a great job, you and Nya!" he exclaimed. "If only my entire workforce were so careful!" he said laughing, and then he winked.

Benny let out a small smile.

"Ehlena told me you wanted to go to the village? I'm sorry, I was very busy. I will take you there tomorrow at dawn."

"Oh, do not worry, I do not want to be a burden ... I ... I can go on my own if you show me the way."

"Alone?" repeated his interlocutor before letting out a sigh and nodding in a negative, almost anxious manner. "Local animals are dangerous when you don't know them. And in your state, I think it's better for you to be accompanied. We got you back on your feet, it's not so that you end up devoured by a gigantic worm. Anyway, I have errands to do in the village, it's not an issue." he said. And Ben was persuaded that Janier had added this last sentence only to avoid making him feel guilty. And it worked.

They returned home. During dinner, Benny got to know the Bilaor family a little better. They looked like honest, sympathetic people, forged by daily hard work. Too bad he had nothing to answer their questions, that he couldn't share his life with them. The poor younglings tried to help him, by asking him questions, giving him food for thought, but the emptiness was abysmal as far as his past was concerned.

At nightfall, lying on his mattress, Benny lost himself in his reflections, before Morpheus came to take him to the world of dreams ... Or rather nightmares.

_ He was on a desert planet, the sand spreading as far as the eye could see, in endless dunes. There, a village. He approached. Everything was blurry, as seen by a badly cleaned glass. He didn't see faces, he didn't see details, but ... Carnage. A man, who wore a braid like his, held a kind of burning blue light stick, with which he struck down all those who opposed him. The villagers, strange creatures, their heads covered with bandages and respiratory filters, howled. Their assailant spared no one, neither women nor children. A feeling of anger, fear and darkness emanated from his whole being and Benny could only watch him do it while he destroyed this village. _

Suddenly he woke up, breathing heavily. What was that? Was it him, this crazy murderer? This dark man? Was it a memory? He ran a hand nervously through his sweaty hair. This night, he did not sleep at all.


	2. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny adjusts to his situation, but nightmares disturb his quest for memories ...

As expected, the next day, Benny accompanied the Bilaor‘s father to the village. They went more specifically to the shop, where the young man accessed the Holonet. He found nothing there that spoke of recent events. Everything he saw seemed so distant ... Even Gossip seemed out of place. However, these news talked about the most famous people in the galaxy, he should remember, shouldn't he? Pictures of other planets, names, facts; nothing reminded him of his past.

Nevertheless, the shop’s customers were chatting a lot, and he could hear some news about the pirates and their debacle, about how the local authorities had fought valiantly before the reinforcements arrived. Janier pointed out to him that the whole village had only talked about these facts.

Everyone was surprised to meet a newcomer in the area, questioning the farmer about his new friend... No one knew him, so he had at least one certainty: that meant that he was not a resident of this village, nor the surroundings. Everyone came here to get their supplies, the nearest town being too far to afford regular round trips. Someone would have noticed him, especially with his accent and his strange haircut ... Everyone seemed to know each other more or less - at least, by sight. He was undeniably a stranger. There were therefore two possibilities: either he was a pirate or he was a soldier of the Republic. But the Republic’s troops arrived long after the explosion of the anti-aircraft turret, according to what he had understood. However, his only memory was that of this event.

Benny swallowed loudly, worried. That could only mean one thing: he was part of the gang of pirates who had harassed these poor people for months. But how? How could he have? 

He really didn’t feel like he was being mean, or knowingly harming those around him. He also didn't feel like he wanted to own property at any cost ... And if he did, he certainly didn't deserve all the kindness displayed by his host family.

He accompanied Janier for the rest of the day. He then helped him to bring back food and various materials, - in particular coupling materials for the Tee-mus- in the boxing pulled at the back of the landspeeder that looked like a flying cart.

Once back, it was too late to work in the fields, but Benny offered to help the two children from the household to feed the animals.

Days passed, and he seemed to find his place in the farm. The work was difficult, but he got to know his surroundings and the region. He felt good. He could help, and that was important to him. Now everyone knew that he could count on a helping hand from Benny, and that he always did his best, with care and efficiency. The young man learned very quickly, and adapted to all circumstances.

However, he missed something consequential: an abyssal void lived all around him, when he was supposed to feel ... He did not know what, but something special. Maybe someone. He also feared that, someday, he would be asked to leave.

One evening, he settled on his mattress, his head bowed, lost in thought. He always came back to the same idea: he must be a pirate. And he was really afraid of what he was going to find out by looking for his own identity. Was it then worth looking? Why not continue his life, simply, without questioning? After all, he could have died, couldn't he? He had the right to a second life, a second chance ... But how do you move on from an empty page, without knowing your origins and past? And this lack! This terrible lack that tormented him. There was something around him, in him, while being absent at the same time. It was as if Benny was trying to touch something within arm's reach without succeeding.

Ehlena entered the room, and looked softly at the young man, who finally looked up at her, giving him a small smile.

  
  


"Your memories may come back over time." she declared. Had she read his mind? "Don't be disappointed if you haven't found anything yet." she then added. "And no matter who you are: I saw you, with Nya and Handy ... They adore you, and my children aren't easily coaxed by strangers! I trust their judgment." she said, putting a hand on Benny's shoulder, before smiling reassuringly to him. "And your eyes don't lie." she continued. "With Janier, we wanted to tell you that you could stay at home with us as long as you wanted. We aren’t short of work in the fields and ... You can take the time to remember." she concludes.

Benny couldn't believe his ears, he looked up with joy at the thirty-something-woman. "Is it true?" he asked, with an almost childish joy, which contrasted with the seemingly neutral face he had been trying somehow to display since his arrival at the farm. It looked like he wanted to protect himself, or that something protected him, surrounded him with a serene and unshakable aura.

"I’m telling you!" exclaimed the good woman. "Now go wash your hands, you are going to help me prepare the evening meal. My husband invited all the farm’s employees for their monthly report." she informed him.

Without another word, the young man did as requested. That evening, he felt he was part of a community. Everything was fine, from the weariness of the children to the laughter of Janier's friends. So why the gaping hole in his chest? Why suddenly the lack became more intense? It was then that he realized that he missed another community.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

A few days later, he was in the fields, harvesting the last shoots of the season, when Nya found him.

"Come on, I want to show you something." she whispered, kindly.

He hesitated for a moment, then agreed to follow her, taking a last look at the abandoned shoots bag. They rode a Tee-muss - both riding the same animal - a few minutes before entering the forest. A little further on, the girl led him to a clearing. A small waterfall bewitched the places with the gentle reassuring chant of drops and tumult. It was a calm, serene place, and Obi-Wan thought he felt at home. _In his mind, he saw a beautiful garden and fountains; seated cross-legged on the grass, several young men and women, provided with a braid similar to his or with an assimilated ribbon, seemed to meditate. Some of them were not human._

"This is my secret place." explained the small girl, pointing to a hut perched in a tree, her voice suddenly breaking the young man's trance, bringing him back to the moment. _Be mindful of the here and now,_ a voice whispered into his mind.

"I wanted to share this with you." said Nya, as they both went up to the small wooden house. "I don't have a lot of friends here. In fact, I only have my brother. And you, Benny, I wish you were my friend ... Since you've been there, I'm much happier." she said, her cheeks blushing. She didn't dare look at him.

Benny smiled at her tenderly. "It would be an honor, little Nya." he said.

She laughs, reassured, before shouting: "I'm not small!"

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


Three months had passed since his arrival at the charming Bilaor’s farm. Benny was trying to put aside his negative thoughts. Now, he was fully a part of the family. The last time he went to pick up purchases in the village, Janier trusted him. He sent the young man alone with the landspeeder and the shopkeeper even called him "Benny Bilaor", the stranger having been accepted by the community very quickly.

Strangely, the distrust did not stay long, and the novelty of his coming, which was a priority subject of discussion for a few days - some people created him the most preposterous past in their tales - had largely subsided. The young man was honored.

Everything was fine, except that he couldn't sleep anymore. Almost every night, frightening nightmares plagued him: murders, calls for help, crimes, battlefields. Often, he saw the people with the "swords or laser sticks", like the murderer of the desert, always threatening. They were starting to haunt him, they terrified him. He would awake with a start and in a sweat, several times a night, then spent hours trying to find answers. _Do or do not, there is no try_ , a voice sometimes resounded, as emerging from the hereafter. He decided that on his next visit to the store, he would consult the Holonet about these new weapons, this would probably teach him something, even minimal, about his possible past.

The days passed and the work on the farm continued. What he preferred was taking care of the Tee-muss… He felt like he was feeling some kind of connection with these pets. The young man greatly appreciated caressing them, it gave him a feeling of serenity, it calmed him when troubled. In addition, these creatures had a special sense of humor, and never tired of making jokes to their caregiver. Step by step, they had become friends, to whom he sometimes confided his troubles and his interrogations. Benny was actually cleaning the stables, trying to repel a Tee-Muss which loved hugs too much, when he heard screams coming from outside. The terrible noise seemed to come from neighboring fields.

  
  


He hurried out, running to see what was happening. Blaster shots were heard, as well as loud roars, mixed with the cries of men. Strange creatures, with brownish skin, at least two meters tall, devastated the area, crushing the crops, and attacking the poor workers. Janier had found some blasters, and a few men were shooting in the direction of the animals. Benny watched the scene, his heart beating wildly. One of these hideous creatures was devouring a Tee-muss, probably fallen during its frantic flight. The enormous fangs sank into the flesh, while the equally large paws clawed at the corpse.

Benny didn't really know what he could do, holding his rake. It was a very poor weapon, but he had to act. Thinking about a plan, he was about to join Janier, behind the pitiable barricade, made in haste with tree trunks and various lying objects. However, he was cut in his tracks when he heard a shrill cry from the side. Immediately, he turned his head.

"Nya!" he exclaimed, seeing the young girl who, intrepidly, had tried to save a Tee-muss from a sad fate, throwing herself insanely, a simple stick in hands, to repulse the aggressor. Now the blonde was on the ground, and the beast was about to devour her.

Adrenaline rushing through his veins, Benny threw himself between the child and the animal, his makeshift weapon positioned in front of him. In a very agile way, he avoided the fangs and paws of his opponent ... Step by step, he launched himself with the beast in a nice choreography, made up of jumps and avoidances. He wasn't sure what that meant, but it was as if he could sense his opponent's next moves, predict them in advance, and control the outcome of the fight.

Finally, he jumped, performing a somersault before falling lightly onto the animal's back. Without further hesitation, he thrust the rake into the big, fierce head. The creature let out a hoarse cry before collapsing.

Nya, still on the ground, watched the scene with wide eyes, so that she did not see another creature coming to her side.

  
  


"No!" Benny cried out, throwing himself before her, interposing again between the little girl and her dismal fate. Anger overwhelmed him, as he realized that he had no chance of saving her, devoid of his weapon, the rake having broken in the last battle. He was trembling with all his being, feeling a force approach him.

"No!" he repeated more gently than the first time. He raised a hand, as if to chase the aggressor; a strange sensation crossed his whole body, a shiver ran up and down his spine ... and the beast was sent flying across the field, as if carried away by a tornado. 

Short of breath, the young man did not understand what had just happened, while the blood in his veins boiled, then froze intermittently. It was as if an aura suddenly came around him, he felt tingling in his fingertips and his mind left the fields attacked by wild animals for a moment and _he found himself in a white room, entirely empty. At the back of the room, he saw an intense glow. He examined the place carefully. There didn't seem to be an exit. So he walked in the direction of the light, without hesitating any longer, and after long seconds of observation, as if hypnotized, his fingers ended up brushing against the light. The Force. It was the Force. He was bound to the Force. Suddenly, the air filled his lungs and he understood the lack he had felt for months. Before that moment, he was not really breathing, without even realizing it. A rebirth._

On this realization, the field reappeared before his dazed eyes, and he felt that Nya was pulling him by the arm, more precisely by his sleeve.

"Benny! What are you doing! Come on!" she exclaimed, terrorized. It must have been several minutes since he was standing, completely motionless, in the middle of the field. Strangely, they had not yet been devoured.

"They will eat us!" she added. Turning his head, Benny awoke from his stupor and realized that they were in trouble. But this time, he also realized that he could save them all. He had to concentrate, listen to the Force, clear his mind and find the courage to do what was necessary, to face this ordeal. _Focus, Padawan_ , said the voice of his mind.

"Run to your father!" he told the girl. Eyes wide, she pulled him by the sleeve again.

"But, what about you? You can't stay here!" she asked, with pleading eyes.

"Do not worry, I'm coming!" he replied, a reassuring smile appeared on his lips. However, the little one did not move. She was full of defiance.

"No, I won't leave you!" she said in an authoritarian tone. "I don't know what you want to do, but I won't let you do it alone." she added.

The girl was mature for her age, but far from reasonable. Benny sighed, ready to retort a few words to convince her, but a beast appeared in his field of vision. He looked around.

"I have a plan!" he exclaimed. 

Immediately, he started to run, in order to attract the animal to him. He secretly hoped that he could get rid of the child, but she was still on his heels. Definitely, she never gave up.

  
  


Suddenly, he stopped and turned around. His feet took root in the ground. He closed his eyes, concentrating. It looked like he was getting into a new trance. He could feel the Force flooding him with its kindness and comforting warmth. Every cell in his body responded to its blessed lure. Gently, he opened his eyes and raised his hands. And instantly, there was silence. All the beasts stopped roaring, their eyes fell on the young man and all of them headed for him. Benny stepped back, hands up, and they all followed him.

"Wow, what the hell ..." Janier breathed, lowering his blaster, his face disfigured by astonishment. All the men and women had stopped fighting and looked intently at the incredible scene taking place before them.

Benny led the animals into an area below, surrounded by rocks. There, he raised a hand and large stones fell violently on the brownish creatures. They screamed in agony as they found themselves buried under the rubble. Benny felt sad about it, wondering if he could have avoided ending these lives.

Nya hadn't said a word, she climbed on the rocks, looking at all this chaos from above, until she saw one of the creatures still lagging behind.

"Watch out, Benny!" she cried, before kicking a boulder. Surprisingly, she did not break her foot and the pebble moved, and by snowball effect, all those on its way did the same. A new cloud of stones tumbled and buried the last survivor, putting an end to the danger once and for all.

Watching the events, Benny nodded. A memory had returned to him. One Word: Jedi. What did that mean?

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Qui-Gon had returned from a mission a week ago. His first assignment without Obi-Wan by his side since the young man became his padawan. He still couldn't believe that his apprentice had joined the Force, and that he would never pass through the door of their shared apartment again, but reason reminded him of his responsibilities. He made himself a black tea, which he drank calmly, preparing to meditate afterwards.

As he sipped his hot drink, someone knocked on the door. He didn't have to wait much longer to find out that it was Mace Windu, who had planned to come by in the afternoon. The Jedi Master entered the premises.

"I was wondering, my friend, if you would like to spar." he offered. Qui-Gon nodded to him, inviting him to take a seat while he got up to prepare more tea for his guest.

"I would be honored. But first, take a cup of this excellent tea with me." he said with a smile. After all, his friend was also one of the best duelists in the Order, and practicing saber with him was a wonderful way to improve.

"How do you feel?" asked the Counselor. He knew Qui-Gon was still struggling with the death of his padawan. He felt guilty about it, but above all, he had had great difficulty in chasing the idea that Obi-Wan could still be alive, when the facts proved the contrary.

This is why the Jedi Order prohibited attachments.

  
  


"I'm fine, thank you." replied the long-haired man. And Master Windu knew that he was lying to him, despite his face which betrayed no emotion. However, he said nothing about it and preferred to let the conversation branch out on lighter subjects. The two men chatted quietly for long minutes, until the two cups of tea were finally empty.

The taller man stood up. "It is time to practice." he indicated to his interlocutor, who nodded, and followed him. But as the door to the apartment slid, Qui-Gon stopped suddenly. He put a hand to his head, leaning against the wall to avoid falling. He had just felt a blast in the Force and the broken bound with his padawan had just roared, appearing as quickly as it had disappeared. It was violent, like a punch ... Then the sensation became as sweet as a flower petal.

"What's going on?" Mace asked, putting an arm under his friend's shoulders to support him. Qui-Gon replied with a broad smile.

"Obi-Wan is alive." he said simply, facing the puzzled expression of his interlocutor.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


“What was that? How did you do that?" Janier asked as Benny joined the barricades, Nya still on his heels.

"I think that ..." he started. "I think I remember something. The Force. I think I'm a ... a Jedi." he finally announced. And deep down, he wasn't sure what a Jedi was. Was it something malicious? But the Force, which he had felt, was undeniably good. Images flashed through his mind, but he couldn't put them back in order.

Handy, who hid behind his father throughout the battle, raised an eyebrow. "A Jedi?" Stars seemed to descend straight from the sky to his eyes. "I thought it was a legend." he commented.

"If you’re a Jedi, where’s your lightsaber?" asked Nya. "In Jedi stories, they always have lightsabers." she said.

His dreams came back to him, the ones about the light sticks. So, they were Jedi’s weapons ... but ... And the crimes? And in this village, on this desert planet, was it really him, this monstrous killer? He remained silent for several minutes before resuming his composure. He remembered the lightsaber now, having held that weapon in his hand. And that was not good news, since the only visions about lightsabers that he had were very harmful ones. 

"I must have lost it ..." he whispered, not very sure of his own answer.

  
  


"In any case, what you did was impressive!" commented one of the workers, an expression of astonishment, but also of fear written on his face. So, would they be afraid of him now? Afraid of what he was able to do? Was a Jedi scary?

"And how did you end up on this shabby planet?" asked another, fiercely. And suddenly questions rained, about his past, about the Jedi, and Benny was unable to answer. He nodded nervously, broken out in cold sweat. A drop ran down his forehead as he watched the world around him. One thing was certain: he didn't like drawing the attention.

"Hey!" exclaimed Janier. "The show’s over! Let him breathe! We have tasks to complete, we have to put it all in order." he declared, coming to the aid of the poor Benny. The employees hooted their boss, but did as spoken, quickly abandoning their fictitious mutiny. The crowd dispersed and our young man heaved a sigh of relief.

"Take Nya and Handy home, please ..." Janier said gratefully. "You’ve done enough for today."

"But you need help and ..."

Mr. Bilaor nodded energetically, and Benny obeyed him.

Handy hopped by his side, while Nya never looked away from him.

"You realize!" exclaimed the little boy, almost euphoric. "A Jedi! We've had a Jedi at home for over three months!"

The little girl nodded. "I don't care if Benny is a Jedi or a pirate, or whatever. He's our friend and that's all that matters to me." she said. She was proud, but remained impressed. Deep inside, he was the knight of her fairy tales.

When they got home, she was the first to tell her mother about the exploits of her savior. Her brother shouted a few words here and there like a sports commentator.

And as the story progressed, the ten ferocious beasts turned into a hundred. The two meters of the wild aggressors became three, and the crops, a huge battlefield worthy of the best holoseries.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

"You must warn the Council, Qui-Gon! You can't leave like this!" exclaimed Mace Windu, when his friend had finished packing his things.

"So, I'm counting on you to inform them for me!" he replied, fastening his lightsaber to his belt, then leaving the apartment to head for the hangar.

"You can't just take a ship and go blindly to the hells know where!" continued the Master of the Council, somewhat irritated. Qui-Gon was known for his impetuosity. He called himself a servant of the Force, and claimed to follow the Force, rather than the Jedi Council. And according to him, the Force was screaming at him to join his missing apprentice.

"Look, Mace, I know where he is, I felt him. And he's exactly where I left him. I knew something was wrong! I knew he couldn't be dead and now, I'm sure! " he explained. With these last words, he turned his back on a mad Windu.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Ehlena smiled widely as she watched Benny. He sat cross-legged, eyes closed, immersed in long meditation. She would never thank him enough for saving those dear to her heart, even if she hadn't understood everything about what happened in the fields. It had been an hour since the young man had got into his trance.

Benny focused on the Force, letting it guide him. It was a difficult exercise, but he felt he had done it many times in the past.

While meditating, he found himself projected onto another planet.

_It had a tropical landscape and atmosphere. It was hot, the air was heavy. A tall, middle-aged man with long dark brown hair and light eyes stood by his side. He glanced at him, before brandishing his lightsaber, a green blade came to life. So he was a Jedi, too…_ thought our young man.

_"You have to tell us everything ..." he said, pointing his weapon at a frightened child. The boy, presumably traumatized, sputtered a few words. "Obi-Wan, don't be a coward, and do your job." said the stranger. And Benny realized that he was talking to him. He bowed. "Yes Master." he replied and he drew his saber, before simply putting an end to the boy's short existence._

_"You have to prevent that ... Don't trust him. Don't show him that you don't remember. He will use this weakness. Play the game."_ Breathed a voice, as if from darkness, bringing a freezing wind.

Benny opened his eyes, feverish, his pulse was rapid and his breath shortened. But what was that? Another memory? A vision? The future? Who should he not trust? The tall and long-haired man? No doubt that he was not a good person. Who was he ? How could he have ordered him to kill this child? And how could Benny have obeyed? Master? Was he some kind of slave? He didn't understand everything, but obviously someone was trying to protect him. He finally pulled himself together, under Ehlena's worried glance.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi." he said.

"Excuse me?" asked the good woman, frowning. The children had approached, too. Until then, they were fighting with sheets and pillows, but their childish argument had been cut short by Benny's reaction and voice.

"It's my name. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi." At least, he remembered part of his life, and not a small one: his identity.

He anticipated his interlocutors' questions, especially those of Nya and Handy, who looked like they were dying of curiosity.

"I ... I am sorry, I am not feeling well." he explained. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"

Ehlena nodded, reassured him and let him join his mattress. The night would be rough, that was certain.

As expected, the nightmares haunted him again.


	3. Another's life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan decides to let himself be guided by the voice in his mind ...

The next morning, Obi-Wan went to the village, in order to make contact with the Jedi. He had to be clear about it, there was no longer any need to hide behind assumptions. If he was indeed part of this mysterious Order, then he had to find a way to rejoin them ... Furthermore, since he had that strange vision. Everything tended to show him that he had to prevent a tragic event from happening; he had to act, it was his duty. Even if his memory was still holes full, he felt he had a part to play in a gigantic chess game, a sum of events that went beyond his understanding. Anyway, he didn't really have a choice. He felt that the Force was pushing him to reconnect with his past.  _ Follow the will of the Force _ , said the voice in his mind.

The village store was the only place where he could hope to send a long-ranged communication - for a fee, of course, but Janier had agreed to advance money, as always since the young man's arrival at the village. Anyway, the loyal farmer kept telling him that, with the work done at the property and his invaluable help against the raging creatures, he had largely deserved a salary, and much more. Gradually, he had become a member of the family, like an uncle or a big brother to the children.

Installed at the counter with Nya, he waited to be served. The merchant was busy in the back shop with a client buying all his stocks. Suffice to say that the waiting was going to be long. Strangely, Obi-Wan felt no impatience. He was a little nervous, but the girl's good humor helped him to calm down.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


As soon as Qui-Gon had landed on the planet, not far from where the pirates had been arrested months earlier, he keenly felt his padawan’s presence. It wasn't as clear and light as it used to be: something was wrong, but the Jedi Master wasn't quite sure what the issue could be. Worried, he started walking, relying on his instincts to find the direction to follow.

After a good hour's walk, avoiding the traps that the forest produced, he noticed a village appearing slowly a few hundred meters away. He approached quickly, with a determined step. The closer he got, the more virulent the presence of his apprentice. Oh, he had missed him!

Arriving there, he observed the place, it was all but calm. It seemed like it was market day. The people present strolled among the stalls, discussing, shouting. Qui-Gon passed two men who seemed to be arguing over a product’s price, ready to engage in aggressive negotiations. Some looked at him with round eyes. People were whispering, standing aside, torn between fear and amusement. It was evident from his clothing that he was hardly from the region, or even the planet. A second foreigner in such a short time, it was incredible!

All this bustle did not prevent him from taking his time to think before acting.

First step: the store. If there was a chance that Obi-Wan had shown up anywhere, it was there, if he had wanted to contact the outside world, or find news about recent events.

Without hesitation, the Jedi entered the shop, and quickly found out that he was right. He didn't even have to bother to question anyone or investigate. In front of him, at the counter, stood his padawan, lost in discussion with a young blond-haired child. The apprentice was so focused that he didn't seem to have felt his master's presence in the Force. How was it possible? Although he was surprised, Qui-Gon did not let the questions overwhelm his mind. His padawan had been found, it was the most important.

"Obi-Wan!" he exclaimed, stepping in his direction. The young man turned his head and observed him silently for a few moments. He looked… strange? Or rather foreign.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


Padawan Kenobi did not expect to hear his name, coming from the past, in the mouth of a man who had just entered the only shop in this lost village. Who could have found him here? However, as soon as their eyes met, he recognized the man who had just called him. He was the terrifying man of his vision, and the one who had appeared from time to time in his nightmares: the tall guy with long hair dropped on his shoulders. Obi-Wan fell speechless for a moment, looking at this face which was undeniably part of his life, of his past, but which he could not remember. He couldn't put any name on these features, he didn't hang any good memories on this strong presence, which he was beginning to feel in the Force. He saw only images of desolation, those of his dreams. On the other hand, he felt a connection, a bond between him and this stranger. He was about to ask him his identity when he remembered the vision.

_ "Don't trust him, he mustn't know you don't remember."  _ the voice whispered in his ear, causing his whole body to shiver.

He left the small stool on which he had settled earlier and nodded.

"Hello Master." _ Master, _ that was what he called this man in his vision. It had to be a title of some kind, he hadn't had time to check and study anything about the Jedi yet.

Nya listened in silence, curious, but on the defensive, alert at the slightest sign of aggression towards her "Benny".

"You're alive, padawan, I'm so happy to see you! But why didn't you try to contact me earlier?" he asked, while coming to put his hands on the young man's shoulders, reassuringly, as a father would do. A bright smile lit up his face; he looked extremely sincere, as if he had emerged from a long period of doubt and worry.

Nya reacts, cutting short his interrogation before Obi-Wan could answer. "Are you Benny’s daddy? Are you a Jedi too?" she asked, as her gaze fell on the weapon hanging from his belt, normally hidden by his cloak - but nothing ever escaped the keen eyes of this bright child.

Qui-Gon smiled sincerely. "His daddy? You can say that, in a way. And to whom do I have the honor, young lady?" he asked, leaning over the girl.

"I'm Benny's friend, Nya." she replied. "Can I see your lightsaber?"

Qui-Gon nodded negatively. "It's a weapon, not a toy. And nice to meet you, Nya, my name is Qui-Gon Jinn." He explained simply, not going into detail about the fact that a Jedi's lightsaber was something very personal.

_ Qui-Gon Jinn. _ He had his name now. Obi-Wan tilted his head to the side. In reality, this man did not look at all like in his vision. Indeed, he looked quite the opposite: kind and calm. Besides, a great serenity emanated from his whole being, in the Force, and our young man found himself fully enjoying it. It was pleasant, it was reassuring.

He wasn't sure if he should listen to the voice, which kept telling him to be wary, or if he should tell the truth to this man, the only bridge connected to his memories. Maybe it was a role? A trap? Nights of nightmares had to mean something... He could not ignore them for a smile and a mere impression of well-being. Obi-Wan nodded, before deciding to answer the question asked earlier.

"Master, I'm sorry I couldn't contact you. I was injured, I lost my memory, and remembered recently who I was and what I was doing there." he asserted, partially lying. He would take the risk of playing the game, pretending that he fully remembered his past. It was the safest way to disentangle right from wrong.  _ Wait, learn, watch. _ To achieve that end, he should try to gather information here and there, while behaving as a padawan. But what was he like as a padawan?

"And how do you feel now?" his instructor asked, pulling gently his braid.

"Very well, Master, I was just here to try to contact you and send a message to the Temple."

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Qui-Gon smiled at his apprentice, but had doubts about the veracity of the words of his protégé. First, the young man did not feel him coming when he approached the store. Then, there was also something in his gaze, something strange. The Jedi felt like his padawan was lying to him - or maybe not lying, but he was definitely hiding certain facts from him. He decided that they would talk more about it when they came back to Coruscant and that there was no need to torment Obi-Wan. Now was not the time to sabotage their reunion; he was so happy to see the young man alive! A weight had just left his chest, weighed down for months by the despair of having failed, of having lost the one he considered the son he never had, of not having been up to his duty as a master.

"We will go back to the Temple, and you will see someone at the Healing Wing." his Master finally informed him.

"Go home? But…. But… But you can't just leave like that!" Nya exclaimed in a shrill cry, her eyes wide, as if a part of her being had been torn.

Qui-Gon frowned and Obi-Wan smiled. "No, of course not." he replied softly, leaning towards the child, wanting to be gentle and reassuring. "Master, let me introduce the Bilaor family to you, they took care of me when I was lost. Ehlena is expecting us for lunch and I think she will be delighted to meet you."

"Oh yes! And Handy will go crazy when he sees a second Jedi!" Nya shouted.

The Jedi couldn't refuse, seeing so much enthusiasm - and mostly because he had taught his padawan that it was rude to reject such an invitation. In addition, there was this intense gleam in the gaze of his apprentice ... He saw joy in it, but also sadness. He even detected a little anxiety in their bond.

"Alright, but we'll have to leave tonight, Obi-Wan." he said finally.

"Tonight? But ..." Nya started, before nodding. "When you taste mom's food, you will change your mind anyway!" added the child, grabbing Kenobi by the hand to pull him out.

They found Janier, who had just finished negotiating the sale of two tee-muss. Obi-Wan made the introductions, and after loading the landspeeder, they quickly returned to the farm.

Lunch was nice. The children recounted Benny’s exploits and Qui-Gon quickly understood how much the young man had found comfort and help in this family, during his convalescence, when his memory failed him. It must have been particularly complicated to no longer feel the Force. Despite the amnesia, it must have been extremely painful and the Jedi master regretted not having carried out his research, not having followed his instinct, not having been there to support his apprentice in such a troubled period.

"In any case," he declared. "This explains why I could no longer feel you in the Force. You had to put yourself intuitively in a healing trance after the explosion. Then, the lack of memories blocked your access to the Force. It was an instinctive way of defending yourself. I find it really interesting, I can't wait to see the healers when we get back, listen to their idea about it. "

His interlocutor nodded - reluctantly? "Yes Master." A new wave of anxiety crossed their bond, which made Qui-Gon jump mentally, even if his face hardly showed it.

During dessert, the children asked questions about the Jedi, which was answered by the older of the two men. Strangely, Obi-Wan had become absolutely silent.

"So, are the Jedi not allowed to marry or have children?" Nya asked, round eyes, before letting out a sigh of despair when she heard the answer. She has her head screwed on right, thought Qui-Gon, amused by what seemed to be a child's crush on his padawan. No doubt, he must have made a good impression.

When the meal was finished, the Jedi master offered to clean up. At first surprised, Elhena finally agreed, letting him wipe the cutlery and plates after she washed them.

"Benny ..." she began in a tone full of sweetness. "I mean Obi-Wan… is a good boy. He's… bright. You must be proud." she said finally, breaking the silence. The padawan always showed himself as the perfect Jedi, stoic, with a neutral face, totally polite, but certainly this family had the chance to see the human behind the Jedi, the young man emerging from adolescence.

"Yes, very." he replied.

"And his parents too, I have no doubt about it." she added, giving a faint smile. 

Qui-Gon simply smiled in return. "To tell the truth, he doesn't know his parents, and they don't know either what man he has become. Jedi apprentices are often brought to the temple at a very young age. Obi-Wan was only three years old."

"Oh." she whispered, lowering her head as she carefully placed a cup in a cupboard. "Brought in? But what do you mean? Are they orphans?" she then asked.

"No. It's different… Parents who find their children to be Force-sensitive contact the Jedi Temple, or, more often than not, we find them and contact them. We offer to train their children in the ways of the Force. They often accept."

Ehlena put the cup down on the table. "I can't imagine… Leaving a baby, knowing that we won't see him again, that we will become strangers… It almost sounds like a kidnapping."

  
  


"A Force sensitive person who is not trained can become dangerous. It is not easy but necessary… Many families hope to offer them a better life. The Jedi being guardians of Peace in the galaxy, this is also sometimes seen as a duty. But no one is forcibly abducted, I can promise you. " he replied. He knew that it was difficult to understand, especially when one had not been confronted with a similar situation. Thus, Qui-Gon did not blame Ehlena for her outspokenness about the current subject.

"A better life? I think a Jedi life is difficult, on the contrary…" she breathed, before glancing outside, where Obi-Wan was having fun levitating a bowl Handy was trying to catch. Obi-Wan looked like he had found his place here. They would miss him. He looked so young, and to imagine him fighting, lightsaber in hand, imagining him facing the dangers of this galaxy, was inconceivable. She had too much affection for him. "Is Benny happy?" she asked, with a sigh, almost inaudibly.

Qui-Gon did not answer because he didn’t think she was waiting for an answer.

He looked back at the young man, still having fun gauging Handy's exasperation, with the bowl. Usually, he would have reminded his padawan that the Force was not a toy - as Yoda so often did with the initiates, when the latter used it in their children's games - but, this time - here, he said nothing.

Obi-Wan must have felt his gaze on him, for he looked up in his direction. And what the Jedi master detected in the man’s eyes made his heart ache: there was definitely something his padawan hadn't told him. But why?

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Long minutes had passed, and it would soon be time to leave. Qui-Gon had not yet contacted the temple. His departure should not have gone unnoticed and Master Windu should eagerly await a sign from him. 

As he walked over to the young man to tell him to say goodbye, he observed something, as cute as it was disturbing. The children handed a datapad to his padawan. He did not hear everything said at this distance, but, from the words that reached him, he knew that this datapad contained data so that they could keep in touch. And the young man accepted. Attachment. Obi-Wan had formed attachment. Obi-Wan had always been the type to get attached quickly, and if he was able to let go so far, it looked like he had found a family around here.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


"Master Jedi?" Nya's small voice reached Qui-Gon's ears, who looked at her. "Can Obi-Wan go to the Tee-Muss to say goodbye?" she asked with her usual cheerfulness.

The padawan ran after her. "Nya!" he exclaimed to bring her to task. He seemed stressed, but his face quickly regained its neutral air, perfectly controlled.

"What? You didn't want to ask, I'm doing it for you!"

Obi-Wan mentally clenched his teeth. He did not know this Master Jinn. In his mind, memories and dreams mixed, so it made sense that he dreaded him, from a certain point of view. But he had no desire for the little one to reveal this secret! The other man frowned ... And now he became suspicious!

"Master, I would like to go see the tee-muss one last time, I took a long time looking after these creatures, I got attached to them." he said to the long haired man, trying to sort it out. But when his interlocutor heard his sentence, Obi-Wan observed a gleam in his master's gaze. Something had displeased him...

"Go ahead, Obi-Wan. But don't take too long. It would be great if we could get to Coruscant before daybreak."

Obi-Wan had no idea where Coruscant was, and how long it took to get there, so he just nodded, before bowing slightly. Obviously, it was a reflex, he did not know why he made this gesture. But as his interlocutor did not seem surprised, on the contrary, he knew that it was correct behavior. It had to be part of the etiquette at the Jedi Temple.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Qui-Gon sighed. An hour had passed since the young man had left for the stables! They should review the definition of "not too much time" together, as it seemed that they did not have the same one. Finally, the padawan reappeared, his hair disheveled, his hands full of mud and a broad smile on his face. He lost that smile as soon as he got near his master.

"Before we hit the road, I have something for you, my padawan." Qui-Gon said, ignoring the appearance and delay of his protégé, while handing him an object. It was Obi-Wan's lightsaber.

"I fixed it." he simply informed him. "I hope you don't lose it again." He said, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. The reprimand was not really one. "This lightsaber can make the difference between life and death, remember, Obi-Wan." he then concludes.

When the young man grabbed the object, he remained at length to observe it, to detail it with his eyes and his touch, as if he did not recognize it. It was… strange.

"Yes, Master. Thank you, Master." he finally answered, in a way even more solemn and formal than usual.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


The farewell had been heartbreaking, especially for Nya. The little girl had wanted to be strong at first, but ended up crying madly, hugging Obi-Wan and asking him to stay a hundred times. Eventually, she managed to get him to promise that he would come back to see them.

However, it wasn't the reaction of the children, or even that of Ehlena and Janier that worried Qui-Gon, rather that of Obi-Wan. He had felt immense sadness, great regret and a lot of fear through their mental bond in the Force, he had even seen tears running down his cheeks. His padawan was no longer a child, he had learned to hide what he felt, to release his emotions into the Force, but this time he hadn't (or couldn't?). It was intriguing, even disturbing.

The ship was in autopilot, coordinates set to Coruscant and the Jedi Master joined his padawan in the quarters.

"How do you feel?" he asked. Obi-Wan looked absent, focused on his datapad for hours, but jumped at the sound of his instructor's voice.

"I'm fine, Master." the young man replied simply.

"No need to lie, Obi-Wan, I can feel you are bubbling. What are you afraid of?" Qui-Gon replied, gently.

The other seemed embarrassed, then annoyed. "If you already know, you don't need to ask." he snapped, shifting a little too much in his seat. His interlocutor was astonished and saddened by this scathing answer: they had argued in the past, but never without a reason. However, Obi-Wan seemed to pull himself together. "Excuse me, Master. I ... I am sad to have left my friends."

Qui-Gon sighed heavily, sitting down next to him. At the moment, his apprentice looked like a child, though he would soon be entering his twenties.

"We have often talked about this subject a lot. I'm amazed ... You said it yourself, you got attached. You have to let them go, leave your life. You know that attachment is dangerous."

It was as if his apprentice had just discovered something. His eyes widened for a second, before he lowered his head, like a kid caught in the act. "You ... can you remind me of this ... hm ... story?" he asked. Qui-Gon frowned. Decidedly, the visit to the healers would not be too much. His padawan still didn't look like himself. Were his memories still failing him? But why not admit it, in this case?

“The problem with attachment is that it induces potentially dangerous emotions including, above all, fear of losing the person or the good to which one is attached. And fear as well as anger can lead to the Dark side. It is important that you let go of your emotions in the Force, so as not to be controlled by your fear, your grief or your anger. They should not cloud your judgment. You must not forget your friends, just do not let your bond with them control or scramble you or blur your judgment. " the teacher explained to the student.

Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, lost in thought. "Yes, you're right, Master. I'm going to make an effort. I'm sorry. I was overwhelmed ... It's because of the accident. I think that I need some rest." he said, looking away from his master.

The young man looked anything but serene. Definitely, he will need a visit to the healers.

"Obi-Wan, are you sure you have your memory completely back?" Qui-Gon asked.

His interlocutor nodded, quickly. "Yes, of course, Master. Maybe I'm confusing some details, but everything is fine."

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

  
  


Obi-Wan sighed heavily. He had a close shave! If Qui-Gon had asked him a few questions to make sure he wasn't lying, his secret would have been exposed! But, it seemed that his Master trusted him...

The dark side? He nodded. He had been studying the data on the Jedi for a few hours already, but he had not yet read everything. So then, the Jedi could not have friendly or family relationships? Was that what his master wanted to say to him? Or was he extrapolating? Oh boy, if he could remember, it would be so much easier!

As he read the data, he seemed to gradually recall certain information, the manner in which he had to behave, the knowledge he had about the Force and the Jedi; but the real echo, the real memories came to him like a whirlwind when he read the following lines:

_ There is no emotion, there is peace. _

_ There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. _

_ There is no passion, there is serenity. _

_ There is no chaos, there is harmony. _

_ There is no death, there is the Force. _

The Jedi Code. He was indeed a Jedi. And, from everything he had learned, the Jedi were peacekeepers of some kind, some space wizards that used their power for the better good. They made sure there was as much peace as possible in the galaxy and protected those who could not protect themselves.

But then ... His visions? Maybe the Order was lobotomizing its members… Maybe they thought they were doing right while doing wrong, manipulated by greater authorities? Did they kill thinking it was fair? It was obvious that the events he had seen in his visions and his dreams had nothing to do with Peace! He must have been lobotomized, and his accident was awakening his consciousness, his real feelings and his real memories!

However, he had no way of knowing for sure, because if he remembered the Jedis, if he remembered his skills, he had no recollection of his own life, of his personal memories, if not fuzzy echoes of lessons when he was an initiate, phrases he had heard here and there, and names - without being able to link them to faces. He was anxious to arrive at the Temple to access his personal file.

Nevertheless, for the moment, he contented himself by remembering the faces and names of the Council’s members, no doubt he would be dealing with them soon. If he was to play his role, he should not let anything show through. He would not fail in his mission, it was the Force itself that asked him to.  _ "Don't trust them ... You alone can save the innocent ... Don't forget ..."  _ whispered the voice as he dozed lightly in his seat. If he was a murderer, if the Jedi were at fault, then he might change.

  
  


Moments later he came out of his lethargy and finally stood up. After a second of hesitation, holding his lightsaber, he pushed the activating button. The blue blade faced him, almost defiantly. He made a few movements, intuitively: muscle memory was really a benediction. But, unfortunately, if he hoped that this exercise would remind him of something, it did not trigger anything more, except the arrival of his master, who ran to encounter him.

"Obi-Wan, what are you doing?" he declared, forcing him to deactivate his weapon. "Not here, it's dangerous! You know that very well!" he exclaimed, not so annoyed as worried by this unexpected behavior.

"Excuse me, Master." Obi-Wan replied shyly. "I wanted to see if it worked properly, and I didn't think about it."

Qui-Gon did not answer and watched him in silence for a long time. Obi-Wan simply lowered his head, ashamed, and said nothing more.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Arriving on Coruscant, Obi-Wan found himself, as agreed, in the Healing Wing, while his master reported his own illegal journey to the Council and the circumstances that had led to his reuniting with his padawan.

The healer, Master Che, from what Obi-Wan heard, asked the young man many questions and examined him. The Twi’lek made a full biological examination and a head scan. It took Obi-Wan a lot of focus to answer, with tricks and half-truths. It was exhausting to pretend that you knew everything when you couldn't remember anything. Especially when a Mon Calamari greeted him from afar, giving him a sincere smile, and came to check in with him. Fortunately, another person present in the Halls called out to her. That allowed the Jedi apprentice to learn that her first name was Bant. So Bant was a friend. It was noted.

When they finally let him go to the apartment that he shared with Qui-Gon, he sighed in relief. He couldn't understand how he had fooled the healers! No doubt half-truths were always far more advantageous than lies… He walked calmly through the corridors, before realizing that he had absolutely no idea where his quarters were. He simply went according to his thoughts, which led him to the archives. Immediately, an idea formed in his mind.

He quickly approached the person in charge, at the reception. Again, he had no idea of her name, but she seemed to know him well. She was very pleasant and the young man answered her with a genuine smile. Settling in front of a computer, he began to search a way to access his partially locked file. Surprisingly, it was the voice in his head that guided him… The voice in his head that whispered words to him, making him guess the codes allowing access to data initially inaccessible for a simple padawan. The voice in his head seemed to know so much!

He hovered over everything, grabbing some information here and there, key dates and sometimes frustrating events. He took out the datapad he kept in his pocket, and connected it, in order to download the data. Thus, he would take the time to learn about the missions performed by Obi-Wan Kenobi.


	4. A brillant idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Help me, I don't know what to do anymore…” he whispered softly. He didn't know who he was talking to. Maybe to the Voice, maybe to the Force, maybe to himself. However, it was the Voice that answered him.

Over the next few days Qui-Gon felt relieved. If his padawan had indeed lost some bits of his memory, it must have been nothing very serious and that certainly didn't stop him from thinking properly and using his skills adequately. The details would slowly come back in time. Qui-Gon was now certain that Obi-Wan was not a danger to himself or to others.

His master was pleasantly surprised when he heard common memories from the young man's stories. He had no way of knowing that the truth was quite different. The young man was playing with him and occasionally, subtly, here and there, disseminating information to perfect his own image of the obedient padawan. It was a well-formed plot, and the man's memories came more from files than from his own mind.

However, what worried the Jedi Master, was the fact that Obi-Wan spoke very little ( he wasn't overly talkative in the past, but now, he was reaching new heights) didn't really confide, and seemed ... suspicious. Qui-Gon often felt reluctance in the Force, but he was afraid to rush his padawan. After all, their start as a team had been tumultuous and he could give his apprentice the time he needed to come talk to him when he would feel ready.

One day, Qui-Gon saw him reading on his datapad, and as he approached, the young man jerked back sharply, before turning off the device and quickly putting it away. The smile he displayed then seemed neither serene nor genuine.

“What are you doing, padawan?” his master asked, after hesitating to speak. He really did not want to rush his interlocutor, it was important that his padawan could have an inner sanctum, but it was also important that they trust each other in all circumstances.

Obi-Wan blushed, looking down.

“Personal research.” Well, at least that wasn't a lie. Qui-gon hesitated, once again, to urge him to reveal more of his thoughts. Under the scrutinizing gaze of the elder, the jedi smiled shyly, seeming to resign himself to speak.

“I have a liking for holo-romances, Master…” he finally admitted. “I was watching the news about the final season of 'Jedi, Beating Heart: Princess Love'. It’s very addicting, really… But the princess is stupid. ”.

Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows, before letting out a huge laugh. This answer did not satisfy him - he had doubts about his apprentice's presumed interest in such trivial broadcasts - but he would have to content himself with this reply for the moment, praising his interlocutor's attempt to deceive him.

However, holo-romances featuring Jedi were recently on-trend: they represented the perfect dramas (interdictions to brave, secret and impossible love, disturbing music, a wobbly happy ending during which the main hero discovered that his beloved was with child and left the Order to start a family…). Qui-Gon knew that many padawans liked to watch these shows, in order to laugh at the way the fake jedi was portrayed. Maybe Obi-Wan wasn't lying after all?

Suddenly, they heard an incessant beep. Qui-Gon pulled out his comlink, where the disturbing sound was coming from, and activated it. Mace's voice rose in the room. 

“The Council would like to see you and your Padawan as soon as possible. We have a mission for you. ” And with that, the communication was cut off. Mace always had a knack for getting to the point in this kind of situation.

Obi-Wan didn't need his Master to explain the orders. He let his legs fall to the end of the bed and bent down to put on his boots. He grabbed his cloak, quickly tightened his braid to make himself presentable, and followed Qui-Gon as he left the apartment.

“I know the healers said you are fine, but if you ever feel like you can't go on a mission, don't hesitate to tell me, Obi-Wan.” the tall master said as they walked side by side through the halls. 

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. Was he such a bad actor? To make it more plausible and believable, he even admitted that there were gaps in his memories. He had taken the risk of revealing his cover… A half-truth that had worked very well. Indeed, he had not been relieved of his duties and the healers claimed he was in good both mental and physical shape and could go on a mission.

  
  


The padawan looked down, watching his feet for a moment, thinking of an answer that wouldn't be suspicious. This Master Qui-Gon seemed far from dumb. Then again, if he had raised him, he knew his padawan’s personality and habits… This is why Obi-Wan avoided talking as much as possible. He was trying to tell the right words at the right time, to display serene smiles and tell a few good jokes. So far, it seemed to be working. At least Qui-Gon seemed to accept the fact that his apprentice kept secrets from him. But how long would he be so magnanimous?

“Did I do something you didn't like? I feel good, I admit that I don't remember all my life, there are gaps, but the healers said that all my memories would come back, like the rest… And I don't think that this fact prevents me from thinking and acting as well as possible during a mission, Master. ” the young man finally declared, punctuating his sentence with a slight smile.

“Oh no, you haven't done anything, but… You sound different to me, a little too serious lately. I just want to make sure that everything is fine… You don't have to tell me everything right away, but I just want you to know that I'm there if you need to talk. " the Jedi Master explained, paternally resting a hand on his interlocutor's shoulder.

Obi-Wan swallowed, then smiled.

"Thank you, Master. I will remember it. But don't worry about me. I just needed to re-acclimatize! After all, I've spent a lot of time at the farm and that's really different from the Temple! " he explained. 

He wanted to add that he was very happy to be back at the Temple, but withdrew. That would probably be too much, he wanted to avoid making a fuss about his return. 

The truth was that, among all these strangers, even if they were welcoming, he felt terribly alone. Eager to keep his cover intact, he interacted with very few people, and very briefly. The only person he had recurring contact with was Qui-Gon Jinn, whom he did not trust.

Oh, he wished he could trust him. There was something between them, something that definitely appealed to him. But every time he got closer to the Jedi Master and thought of telling him the truth or confronting him with the truth about the Jedi, the Voice called him to order. Doubts crept into his mind again and strengthened his lies.

Their footsteps led them to the door of the Council chamber. The padawan in charge of the admissions asked them to wait patiently, but it was only a few minutes before the doors opened and they were told to enter. Kenobi sighed heavily, gathering up the courage to face this ordeal. The healers hadn't suspected his tricks, but he would have to deal with the most prominent Jedi in this room. Maybe they could see the lie in him?

No sooner had they walked through the door than Master Yoda looked at the padawan - Obi-Wan remembered his name: after all, how can he forget such a funny creature? He thought that Nya would like to meet him.

Hands - paws? - resting against his walking stick, ears down, Yoda said nothing, but kept his eyes on the young man. The latter felt the blush rise in his cheeks, as he somehow avoided moving too much; he was so uncomfortable. A little more and he would dance from one leg to the other. However, he managed to keep his mask of neutrality. He was also strongly grateful that the jedi cloak had such large sleeves to hide his slightly shaking hands.

“Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi.” Mace Windu greeted them, tilting slightly his head.

  
  


“Masters.” Qui-Gon replied, displaying the same polite gesture to everyone present.

“We have made you come because we have an important mission for you, which will require all your diplomatic skills.” Windu informed them, laying eyes on the Jedi Master.

Another Council member spoke  _ \- Ki-Adi Mundi? _ thought Obi-Wan.

“The king of Kamel asked for help from the Jedi, as mediators, but also to ensure the protection of his family. As you may know, the planet Kamel recently began negotiations with the Republic, with a view to becoming part of it soon. It is a very rich planet concerning raw materials and therefore a major asset. It is located at the limit of the Outer Rim, if they join the Republic, it would allow the arrangement of a promising transport channel for the prosperity of both the Republic and the planet."

The Jedi fell silent, presumably to give his two interlocutors time to digest the information before giving them more to think.

“If I'm not mistaken, Kamel has long lived cut off from the rest of the galaxy, in unbounded neutrality. What prompted them to enter into negotiations with the Republic? " Qui-Gon asked, frowning slightly in reflection.

“The new king was elected a year ago, after the death of the last ruler. Unlike his predecessor, he believes that the survival of his planet depends on its openness to the rest of the world. Kamel was a rich, beautiful living planet when human colonists first settled there 300 years ago. But they have faced many crises, including natural disasters, which have left areas devastated. The last one is only three years old: an earthquake that wiped out almost an entire continent ... The previous ruler refused outside help, and the people are now kicking themselves. " Mace explained in a neutral tone, simply stating the facts.

“They are now experiencing poverty, and King Vladimyr has accepted humanitarian aid from the Republic. Some senators have invited him to think about what the union of his planet with the Republic would bring for his people."

Qui-Gon nodded, visibly satisfied with this answer.

“Unfortunately,” Windu added, still in such a neutral tone -  _ unbearable _ , according to Obi-Wan. “Opponents of these negotiations, loyal to the former sovereign, have decided to create their own group. It would not be a problem if it weren't for the terrorists among them. The King and his family have been the victims of several attacks. Civilians died. The situation goes beyond political disagreement.” he said. “The King is elected every ten years. Obviously, the terrorists do not intend to wait until the end of the current sovereign’s mandate.” He continued, not taking his eyes off the master and the apprentice.

However, Obi-Wan was struggling to listen carefully to his explanations. All he could feel was Master Yoda's gaze still on him. The Jedi's large eyes were scrutinizing him so intensely that he almost felt a physical weight on his shoulders. Was he reading his soul? Do the Jedi allow this to be done? Can they do it? Obi-Wan finally dared to meet the gaze of the long-eared little green being -  _ he looks like a troll or a gnome _ , the young man thought. The other frowned: did he hear that thought? The apprentice's cheeks flushed even more - if it was possible to be redder than he already was.

The senior padawan did not come out of his thoughts until several minutes later, having missed a good part of the conversation.

“A ship will be available tomorrow night at the hangar. You will have to protect King Valdimyre and his family, and mediate with the opponents to reach an agreement. The dismantling of the terrorist network remains the responsibility of the local authorities.”

So their mandate was not to kill the terrorists? Obi-Wan was confused, but that reassured him as well. After all, he was so afraid of being sent to execute people and do the dirty work.

  
  


Qui-Gon said something the young man couldn't really hear before he bowed. The padawan hastily bowed too, realizing that they had just been dismissed. They had only just left the Council Chamber when the sound of a stick against the paved floor was heard.

"Young Kenobi, to talk to you, I would like." Master Yoda stood by his side. He glanced at Qui-Gon who smiled. “Obi-Wan, I'll be waiting in our quarters.” he said before slipping away. The young man swallowed nervously. Had his secret been revealed? Would he be treated to threats?

“I will follow you, Master.” he replied simply, before walking next to Yoda. The latter led him into the room of a thousand fountains. This huge greenhouse, which looked like a huge park, with its waterfalls and enormous amount of flora, was Obi-Wan's favorite spot to meditate. Since his return, he kept getting lost in the Temple, but he knew by heart the way to this place. He smiled softly, enjoying this place’s calm atmosphere, despite the echoes and the screams of a group of young Padawans swimming in the nearby lake.

“Troubled, you are, young padawan.” Yoda's voice brought him back to reality. Obi-Wan lowered his head, not knowing what to say. “Hmmm, yes, disturbed, you are.” the troll added, sitting cross-legged on the grass. Obi-Wan imitated him.

“Something to say, do you have?” the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order asked, setting his eyes on his interlocutor again.

“I'm fine, Master. It's just… I just have doubts. ” he finally confessed.  _ Half-truths are always better than lies, _ the voice whispered in his head, with intensity.

“Doubts, hmm?”

“Yes, I… I doubt myself.” he added. It was totally true, from a certain point of view.

“A problem of self confidence, since always, you have. But a good Jedi, you will be. Darken your judgment, fear must not. Tell about your fears, you must. Yes." explained his interlocutor, in a deep voice.

“I…” He didn't know what to say. He felt like the troll already knew everything.

_ He's having fun with you, he just wants to torment you. You can't trust the Jedi. But you, you are different, you can cope. _ The voice was back and this time, it was much more poisonous.

“I spent some time away from the Temple, I found a family, when I lost my memory. And I'm starting to wonder if I really have to be a Jedi. If this is truly the Will of the Force. If I want it." he lied - from a certain point of view, again. What better explanation? Oh yes, he was proud of himself.

“Hmmm. Listen to the Force, you must. Together, meditate, we will…. Yes. The answers to your questions, you will find. Careful with your choices, you must be. ” the Jedi concluded before closing his eyes.

And so, Obi-Wan closed them, going into a long meditation, focusing on the sound of a waterfall.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

When he came back to the apartment, Qui-Gon had prepared dinner. But Obi-Wan was tense, thus he simply told him that he would like to take a shower before eating. Without adding a word, he quickly locked himself in the bathroom.

_ You had a close shave with the gnome! You should be more careful. If he finds out that you are lying to them, they will gut you. _ The voice whispered in his ear as he felt the water run against his skin, hoping to wash away his fears and doubts. How could he save anyone, within his capacity? He was just a pawn, among other pawns…  _ Shhh. You have the Force, you have everything you need _ .

  
  


When he got out of the shower, he dried himself thoroughly and put on clean clothes. He hadn't even realized he'd been sweating so much due to the stress. It was getting harder and harder for him to hide his lies. He had managed to avoid a lot of Jedi over the past two weeks, but he was starting to meet more and more people who were supposed to be acquaintances. Fortunately he was leaving on a mission the next day.

As he was washing his face over the sink, he gave a look to the mirror. Afraid, he let go of his soap. It felt casually to the tiled floor, with a thud, as Obi-Wan watched his arms. His hands were covered with blood. Bright red, fresh, oozing in crisp lines on his skin. He could smell the metallic scent of this vital liquid filling his nostrils. His eyes had become two large cups wide with fear.  _ Do you see what you are? A murderer! Do you want to stay that way? Do you want to become that heartless monster? The one of the desert? Oh yes, you remember the children’s cries… _ The voice was insistent, and very loud. He heard the cries of the children, all around him. They seemed so real! The Voice echoed as if someone was standing next to him and putting their lips a few millimeters from his ear.

_ But you can change. Only if you listen to me. This is what you want, isn't it? You must not run away, you must embrace the Power. Don't let false memories get to you. You know what they are ... _

_ They brainwashed you, and now, thanks to your accident, you can run away, you can forget their indoctrination, you can finally become yourself and right the wrongs they have done to you and to others. Can't you see it's the will of the Force itself? _

The young man's brain would explode as he watched the blood drain from his hands, step by step.

“I don't wanna... I don't wanna be a monster!” he cried, punching the sink. He regretted it immediately, when he felt the pain gripping his fingers.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he collapsed to the floor, sitting against the wall, his knees drawn to his chest in a vulnerable position. At this point, the contradiction was so strong in his mind that he did not know what to do. He no longer understood what the Force dictated to him, its will clouded by the Voice. And the Jedi Masters who hid so well behind masks of politeness and compassion. Were they really hiding?

“Help me, I don't know what to do anymore…” he whispered softly. He didn't know who he was talking to. Maybe to the Voice, maybe to the Force, maybe to himself. However, it was the Voice that answered him. He thought he saw a hooded figure appear for a few moments in front of him, as new words rose up around him.

_ "There is a holocron in the temple archives. It contains something, a spell, that will help you. You have to trust me. He will free you from their influence. You will be free. And I'll always be with you ... Go get it. When you have it, I'll come back and tell you what to do. " _

Then, immediately, the chills he had been feeling so far disappeared and the blood on his hands was just a bad memory. Obi-Wan cried for a few more moments, hating himself for showing so much weakness, before getting up. He clenched his fists, disgusted with himself.

He cleaned his cheeks and opened the medicine cabinet. He pulled out some bacta, which he applied to his injured hand. He stared at the mirror for a long time, lost in an intense torpor. Finally, after what might have been ten minutes like ten hours, he left the bathroom.

“Finally, I'm not hungry, Master… I'll do some research about Kamel for the mission and go to bed.” he explained. He didn't wait for any answer from his Master before hurrying to his room. He closed the door and sank onto his bed. A few minutes later, he fell asleep.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

When his padawan had left the room, Qui-Gon looked questioningly at his bedroom door. He had felt a great deal of anguish from the young man before, while he was in the bathroom, taking à shower. He had hesitated for a moment to join him to check that all was well, when their bond suddenly became calmer. He heard the tap water running, a sound that reassured him because it meant that Obi-Wan was fine and was carrying on doing his ablutions. His Master had decided to start a discussion about the young man's unexpected behavior as soon as he had settled down for dinner. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to phrase a sentence before his padawan explained to him that he preferred to go to bed quickly. Without ceremony, his interlocutor returned to his room.

Qui-Gon took a step in his direction, trying to stop him, but was cut off by the sound of the closing door.

What was going on with his apprentice? He thought that he had finally adapted again to the life at the Temple, that he had overcome his fears and his memory loss. It seemed that the Jedi Master, as wise as he was, was wrong. He looked at the closed door for a long time, hesitating. He finally decided to make tea - it was always best to chat over a hot drink, at least that was his personal theory.

By the time he made the brew and entered his padawan's room, the little one was asleep, fully dressed, on his bed. Qui-Gon sighed heavily. He put the cups of tea on a table in the hall and approached the young man. He took the blanket the other had carelessly left lying at his feet and covered him gently.

“Oh Padawan, when will you finally talk to me?” he said in a barely audible whisper. He sighed again, and after taking one last look at the lying body, left the room.

**SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW**

Obi-Wan woke up very early that morning. The memories of the day before reminded him why he was lying in his bed wearing his tunic and his legging. He stretched against the sheets like a feline, before looking around. The Voice. The Voice had told him to go get a holocron. Exhausted by doubts and sadness, the young man fell asleep without being able to think more about it. Strangely, the sleep had been restful and devoid of nightmares this time. Lately, a dreamless sleep was a luxury. 

His thoughts focused on the Voice’s requests. It was the only solution available to him, he really had no other choice. He would go find this artifact and act accordingly when the time came. Although his stomach was tight and he was hardly hungry, he decided to make breakfast. He blamed himself for being so virulent with his Master the night before. Moreover, he didn't want to risk attracting new suspicions about him.

Breakfast ready, he took a flimsiplast card and quickly wrote a note on it.

_ “Master, you must have seen that I was under the weather last night, I apologize for my behavior. I am going to meditate in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, then I will get more information about Kamel from the archives. _

_ Obi-Wan ” _

Pleased with his writing, he placed the card on Qui-Gon's plate, making sure he would see it as soon as he woke up and left the room.

As agreed, he meditated for an hour. And throughout his meditation, he heard only one thing: the Voice reminding him that he really had to get that damn  _ kriffing _ holocron. He wished his brain and his tormented mind could rest for a few minutes, deviate from reality and sink into the Force, but, obviously, it was impossible.

Finally, taking his courage in both hands, he went to the archives. He wasn't sure how to retrieve the artefact. To tell the truth, he should have thought of a plan, but since he was going on a mission that evening, he was too afraid to miss his chance. He pretended to search the shelves for a datapad, considering how he could access the holocrons vault. The access was secure and forbidden to everyone except the Masters of the Council and some hand-picked Jedi. Obi-Wan was tempted to test Qui-Gon's passcode, but rejected the idea. If it didn't work, it might alert the Chief librarian. Besides, if Qui-Gon learned that he had tried to enter this place ... All suspicion would immediately fall on his padawan.

Obi-Wan approached the door, watching the system with interest. He waited for long minutes, hoping that, as when he had done his research on the computer, the Voice would come and prompt him with the necessary codes to access it. It was frustrating to be so close and so far at the same time. Obviously, he neither heard nor saw anything.

“Padawan Kenobi?” A voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned around, finding himself face to face with Jocasta Nu, the senior archivist.

"Master?" Obi-Wan replied. Crap! That was the last thing he needed! He wanted to be discreet… He kept a neutral face, trying not to show his emotion. Yet his heart was beating very quickly in his chest and adrenaline flooded his veins.

"Can I help you, Padawan?" the chief librarian asked, laying a suspicious eye on the young man. If he had mastered the expression on his face, it was quite different concerning his hands. One hand landed against his braid, which he pulled gently and wrapped around his fingers.

“I…” the young man stammered. Oh damn it! At that early hour there was no one around ... No wonder she would notice him so quickly! What was initially an advantage, had just become a disadvantage.

  
  


Running out of ideas, he took a deep breath and raised his hand, while saying the following words: “You will open the holocrons vault and let me in. You will forget that I came and you will not ask any questions. ” He said, in the most formal and serious tone possible. After all, his Master was Qui-Gon Jinn, a mind-manipulation specialist! At the time, he had no doubt that it would work. This strategy seemed like a brilliant idea.

Master Nu looked at him, frowning. Astonishment gradually turned to anger. "What?" she asked, and anger appeared on her face. “Did I hear correctly? I have to do what?" she barked. “This area of the archives is forbidden to Padawans, PADAWAN Kenobi. And you dare to use manipulation ... I think I will accompany you to your quarters and you will explain yourself to your Master. He will probably be very interested. And the Council as well! ” she exclaimed, pulling him by his right ear. He had never felt so small.

Panicked, Obi-Wan resorted to the unthinkable. His fist rose suddenly, quickly, ripped through the air, and fell heavily against the face of his interlocutor. She collapsed, her body hitting the ground. Amidst the serenity of the room, the noise echoed clearly throughout the area.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Obi-Wan is really a clever boy, isn't he?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)  
> If you liked it, do not hesitate to hit the kudos' button/ to comment!  
> If you didn't like it... Comment anyway, so I can improve! :D


End file.
